Time stands still

Time has stood still for the past three years of my life. I don’t entirely know what is happening a majority of the time. I’ve written countless poems about you, and it’s been nearly three years. Time has stood still since that March. I try to remember, and I try to replay the moments we shared in my head. I think about different things that I could’ve said; about things I should’ve said differently. You told me that you were hurt that I regretted my first time with you, but it was you that misunderstood. I could never regret that time we shared together. I felt as if that was all you wanted, that my body was the only thing that you searched for whenever you touched me. We were young, and I don’t think we had the best communication skills. I wonder if things would be different if we met when we were a little older. I think about the pros and the cons. Things seem to make more sense to me when they’re compiled in a list. Pro; I’m focused on school, I have a job, I’m building myself up, I’m becoming stronger and more independent, and I am becoming more and more educated about the world around me. Con; I keep wishing that you had been right by my side this whole time. I know that most of these things would never have happened unless you were out of my life, but I can’t help but wish it had been different. I wish you had been the exception. I don’t know, I hope one day I can move on, and forget that we ever happened. It would hurt less. I would write less heartbreaking poetry about you, about us. Time has stood still for the past three years, and I’m scared that I’ll never move from this time in space.

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