You, tongue twisting, smooth talking, ocean eyed, smoke in the air, playboy.
You, listen to this song I wrote, pretty boy.
Met you when I had deflated lungs, fractured bones, and dry lips.
Went to lunches with you, but only after we smoked.
You, I’m glad to have you in my life, You, manipulator, You, wonder-boy.
Never having to say please and thank you for never holding the door for me,
By the way, I can hold the door open for myself, but isn’t it just the right thing to be polite,
You, do you believe that was ‘actually’ a moment where you felt discriminated against,
You, never understood.
You, I keep women around for my ego, white privilege isn’t real, oblivious boy.
Spin my head 360 degrees for your entertainment, inflate smoke into my lungs with you.
I am a second chance extraordinaire, I’m really good at giving my time as if I had more than enough of it to go around, you, playboy, have taken my gift for granted.
I don’t value relationships with people, yet I didn’t hear a car alarm go off in my head.
Instead, I heard a fanfare of violins and cellos playing to the tune of your voice.
I hear the guitar you played for me that night,
the lyrics I created in my head when we were high.
That night where we got too drunk and felt as if we were never going to die,
never have to worry about my friend… leaving me for another guy.
You, I do not like the feeling of desertion. You, left.
I write about how I could drown in your eyes, no matter how bad it hurt me,
no matter how afraid I was to discover what was on this ocean floor,
discover a whole other layer of this dress and gown, you, long-haired pretty boy.
You, artist. You, poet. You, creator of the studio in your apartment.
I am so good at creating something out of everything, and then you told me that you were only trying to mend your broken heart.
I took mine out of the rib cage in my chest, gave you a piece of me to see if it will grow into a new heart, and instead,
you used it like a chess piece.
You, player of games, mastermind of the board,
I took your queen and yelled checkmate! and tossed your game out the window.
Honey, you just lost.